BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.... JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $100... WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .. Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. **** And the WINNER is.... **** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, $200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

Children Are Quick___________ TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables..
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.(I Love this child)
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O..
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________ Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Someone did not Listen

Remember when your mother told you: "Do not play with your food?"

The Charles Schulz Philosophy...

The Charles Schulz Philosophy...

Scroll thru slowly and read carefully to receive and enjoy full effect

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.

You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them.

Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.

4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember all the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies..

Awards tarnish..

Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4..Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the

most credentials, the most money...or the most awards.

They simply are the ones who care the most

 

Pass this on to those people who have either made a difference in your life,

or whom you keep close in your heart, like I did

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.It's already tomorrow in Australia !'

Our Local Central Oregon Budweiser Puppy Commercial - Budweiser super bowl commer

Bryan Berg is a professional "card stacker

Bryan Berg is a professional "card stacker" who builds houses of cards on a very large scale.

Trained as an architect, Bryan Berg is the only known person to make a living building structures with freestanding playing cards.

He uses no tape, glue, or tricks, and his method has been tested to support 660 lbs. Per square foot.

Berg has stacked cards for corporate special events, public relations campaigns,

And science and children's museums in many U.S. Cities, Canada, Europe, and Asia.

Berg's clients have included Walt Disney World, a Lexus commercial, Procter & Gamble,

American major league baseball and hockey and the San Francisco Opera among others.

He also participated in a music video by The Bravery, playing a lonely man who builds a fantasy world out of cards.

In 2004, Guinness created a record category for World's Largest House of Freestanding Playing Cards

To recognize a project Berg built for Walt Disney World, a replica of Cinderella's Castle.

In 2010, the record was renewed by himself using 4051 sets of cards, over 218,000 cards, and built in 44 days,

A replica of the Venetian Macao.

Diary of a snow shoveller

Diary of a snow shoveller, 

probable location - Buffalo NY

December 8 - 6:00 PM

It started to snow.

The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.

So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

December 15
20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.

I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white stuff fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to to the toilet.
By the time I got undressed, leaked and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his scrotum and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time,
I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed?

Air Powered cAr

Floating car Best of Youtube today

International Mosaiculture

International  Mosaiculture  Exhibition

  Montreal - Summer 2013



Even if you’re not into gardening yourself, the plant sculptures in the international Montreal Mosaiculture Exhibition will blow your mind. As defined in the official website of the event, mosaiculture “is a refined horticultural art that involves creating and mounting living artworks made primarily from plants with colourful foliage (generally annuals, and occasionally perennials).” It is also a highly complex form of art, requiring different sets of skills from all the participating artists: not only do they have to plan and build the framework of the sculpture and match the colors, it is also important to understand the maintenance of each plant they use.

The Mosaïcultures Internationale competition was founded back in 2000 by Lise Cormier after her visit to China: this is where Lisa saw an enchanting 40-feet-high sculpture of 3 doves and was instantly inspired to bring the idea back home.

Considered the world’s most prestigious competition of horticultural art, the 2013 edition of Mosaiculture is currently on display at Montreal Botanical Garden in Quebec, Canada. More than three million flowers were raised in greenhouses throughout Quebec, and then shipped to the gardens in May, where designers wrapped them in steel meshes to create living works of art. The sculptures are created using steel or aluminum forms that are wrapped in metal mesh, filled with earth and planted with flowers, ivies and grasses whose foliage provides texture and color. Interior watering systems and growing medium were added so that the flowers could last all through the summer till the end of the exhibition on September 29.

Some 50 works graces the 2.2 km circuit through the enchanting grounds of the Botanical Garden. The theme this year is “Land of Hope”. About 200 of the world’s most talented horticultural artists are taking part in this international competition, representing 20 countries. Entries have come from cities in countries as far as Turkey and Uganda, with China and Japan heavily represented.

  

Barn  Owl

Bird   Tree.  This huge sculpture is 40 feet high and they built  special high bridge at this
end so people could take photographs more easily.  Every branch becomes a different bird.
The wing span of the condor must be at least 8 feet.

Big  Flowers.  These are growing in the midst of the Exhibition Gardens, some of the
thirty gardens which comprise the Botanic Garden.  Notice the bee.

Butterflies.  They are about eight feet high and stand outside the Insectarium,
a building housing exhibits of insects.

Two Canoes.  The theme of this year's show is the unity of nature and the
importance of ecological planning.

The Old Man Who Planted Trees,  Horses,  Dog,  and  Sheep
The Old Man is about 20 feet high.

Flock  of  Sheep, plus one goat.  They are all part of a huge display around the
Man Who Planted Trees  (below). 

Single  Sheep

Caterpillar, outside Insectarium

Easter  Island  Heads

Blow Fish Swimming through Seaweed

Crouching  Frog and Lily Pond.

Frog  in  Lily  Pond

Goat  at  Well

Horses  and  Sheep Dog.  The dog is very famous in Japan and everyone knows him.
He accompanied his master to the railroad station ever morning when the man went
to work, and then the dog met him again in the evening.  When the man died, the dog 
continued meeting the train twice every day for ten years until he died.  He is made up
of various decorative grasses.  The horses' manes are also made of grasses.
The horses are twice the size of a normal horse; the dog is 8 feet high.

Closeup  of  Horse

Lady  and  Cranes  /  Chinese  Myth.   The lady is about 35 feet high.

Lady  and  Cranes  /  Chinese  Myth

Line  of  Lemurs at entrance to Gardens

Lemurs

Man  Who  Planted  Trees.  He is 20 feet high.

Pandas  and  Bamboo

Pandas

Piano  and  Tortoise /  The Arts  and Nature Support Each Other

Spirit  of  the  Woods.  The body of the serpent actually snakes around the woods
for more than 300 yards.

Phoenix  Bird - colossal and with flowers.

Mother  Earth

Water is a gift of Mother Earth, enjoyed by wild horses and eagles.

The sign said these are Swans.

Gorillas / Endangered Species

Moose  and  Squirrels  -  all made of moss.

Cobras